What if my healing come through tears?

What if your blessings come through rain drops, what if your healing comes through tears. What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know your near. What if trails of this life, are your mercies in disguise.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace.
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, prosperity.
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.

All the while, You hear each spoken need. 
Your love is too way too much to give us lesser things.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this night, are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear.
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near.
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love.
As if every promise from Your word is not enough.

All, the while, You hear each desperate plea.
And long that we'd have faith to believe.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this night, are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win;
We know that pain reminds this heart, that this is not, this is not our home.
It's not our home.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life;
Is a revealing of greater thirst that a world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights;

Are Your mercies in disguise? 

Everytime I hear this, I swear, I lose it. It describes my whole life in a minute.

Sometimes, I can pray for everything to get healed.

But sometimes I feel like my tears, have fallen by the millions at a time.

Yet, nothing comes. No healing, even though the promise was made that I would get my healing.

It takes so long for me to get healed, if that comes anyday?

I can pray all I want, yet it is not on my time, its his. Can't my tears be enough to heal me?

I know my faith is enough.

Waiting patiently, while my tears fall by the millions. . .hoping that each tear, takes me closer to my healing.

I hope it comes soon. 

Shout out to my cute Chels :) I love her, and she needs some prayers right now, as she is suffering a lot, and is needing love right now. I wish I was well enough myself to ride up there and lay with her. She is a great girl, and she deserves her healing before mine. I will lose twice the tears, to hope she gets hers.

Love ya chels

Love everyone. 

Still waiting on my Ohio date, haven't been called yet.

PLEASE COME SOON.

Also, everyone please pray for me as i am not doing the best either.

BTW, i can't figure out how to load my videos, but you can find them along my FB posts, etc. :) Sorry, i don't feel well enough to try to figure this stuff out.

GO TO MY BENEFIT CONCERT NOW!!!!!

Everyone should go to the benefit concert happening in less than an hour!

It is from 7-11 pm, at Studio 600 (Or the loft as some people know it). 177 West Center street!

There will be awesome raffles and auctions!!!!!
ALSO, there will be drinks (soda and water to buy)
There will be a booth for t-shirts as well :)

Also, everyone needs to go right now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

(IF YOU ARE READING THIS, GET YOUR BUTTS OVER TO THE BENEFIT AND ENJOY SOME GOOD MUSIC :))

Thanks

SICK SICK. . OH AND MORE SICK

wwwwwwEEEEElllllppp,

I am pretty sick and cannot type much at all.

I just wanted to remind everyone of the Benefit Concert being help for my family and I. It is on Monday, November 14th, at Studio 600. It is from 7 pm - 11 pm. There will be four really popular local bands, as well as raffles/silent auctions. It will be awesome, and I would love for everyone to go and show support!

Also, we are still trying to get the ball on the roll for the Ohio appointment, even though i know travel is impossible. . .But, hopefully we can get in sooner than 6 months, because I need help, and I need it now. I am just slowly getting worse, and just not really progressing, and Quality of life can't get any worse then where I am at. But, I know everything happens for a reason, and it might be a while until I know all of the reasons why the lord made me suffer with these diseases. I know there is a special reason, and I have been able to meet a few people, and help them. I always joke around, that, EVERYONE BETTER BE LEARNING FROM MY ILLNESS, SO THAT NONE OF YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS LIKE I DO. Learn from my situation, so that YOU don't have to go through this. Although, everyone has their trials, this is my trial, and BOY IS IT TRYING MY PATIENCE ;)

Fun fact: Who knew washing your hair was such a chore/job. I no longer can do it, so my mom gets to wash it in a Grandma blow up thing that lays on the floor so that i can wash my hair. But, it's been 2 weeks since my last hair wash, and its time for another one, i just dread doing anything because it kills me.

Also, I am in need of a cute name for my feeding tube. I can't decide. . .

I also have a new found love, its called GREYS ANATOMY. If you do not watch this show, you are honestly stupid. It is amazing. Good thing i am only on episode 20 . . .I have at least 180 episodes to go to even catch up to its current season.

Also, Hershey, our puppy, well technically i want him to be all mine, is doing awesome. He is so cute. We are all adjusting, and he is definitely not going anywhere.

Also, I decided when i get better, I am trying out to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. DON"T LAUGH. I am overly excited to try out, when I can do a better trick then rolling over in bed ;) HEH HEH!

Last, but not least, School is a fail. I just cannot find motivation to do it and cannot do anything more than 5 minutes at a time because of pain. I don't know if I will finish by may. . . .but, I am trying. Try being sick and having to take a full time school schedule. . .Yeah, i am stilll at the beginning of the year in some of my classes. Woops. . ..

Well, go to my benefit. It will be good. Enjoy it for me since I can't go!

Alsoooo (This is my last also, i promise), YOU CAN BUY T-SHIRTS AT THE BENEFIT CONCERT.
So, if you didn't get one at school, go order a t-shirt, and help me create awareness for this horrible disease.
You can also text me, 81-592-3907 , and get a shirt through my family or I.

Have fun

Okay,

I am OFF TO WATCH SOME SISTER WIVES (Another show im obsessed with)

Benefit Concert!!

My benefit concert is getting closer and closer. It is on November 14th! Tell everyone!!!! It is at studio 600, and i would LOVE to see all of my friends, family, community, and colleges out there to support and raise awareness for this horrible disease!!!!!

I just wanted to thank the students who are putting it on. You have no idea how much it means to me. Its is truly a blessing to know that so many out there are praying, and thinking of my family and I at such  a hard time. So, thank you. Its means more then you know, and I am truly in aww of how many have already said they are coming!

I just hope every one knows how much i love and appreciate the notes, letters, gifts, flowers, hot pads, jolly ranchers, lotions, stuffed animals, pj pants, and SO much more. It really makes my day. Since I have such a hard time with visitors, notes and stuff has helped me to keep positive and it always makes my day :) Thank you all for all of your love! I am so grateful.

Also, I know people have been asking and patiently waiting to buy shirts, and starting MONDAY, Shirts WILL be sold at the school during lunch time!!!!!! You can also contact me, if you don't go to the high school and are interested in a shirt. I will let you know how to get your shirt!!! I would love for everyone to wear it to the benefit concert so we can get a pictures of them on all my friends!!!!! :) Contact me (cell) 801-592-3907 or at my house 801-489-5412! I will let you know how to purchase the shirts through the blog or through us :) Thank you alll!!!!!

Just a small update of my past few weeks: I have had quite a few visits to the Emergency room. I've been 4 times in the last 2 and 1/2 weeks! It has been pretty rough. My gastroparesis seems to just get progressively worse, and although we thought the stomach feeding tube (GJ) would help minimize my pain crises, it hasn't. But, hopefully down the road it does. My POTS is still a big problem as well, but since I lay down most of the time, it is usually fine until i stand or sit up. My nausea is now through the roof. Sitting up for longer then a minute or two,  i get nauseated and dry heave. They are currently in the process of scheduling my second scope in the past month and a half. They are checking to see if they can make yet another diagnoses called EOS. I am hoping and Praying that it is not that. For now, just laying here in my usual spot, and watching lots of netflix, and trying (attempting) to do my school work.

Another random little paragraph, ITS MY BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY!!!!!! WOOOOHHOOOOO!!!! The big one eight :) Its a happy/sad birthday for me. Hopefully I'm well enough on my birthday to chew and spit a bite of pizza or cake or something. LOL!!! But, my dog was an early birthday present, and is more then what I could have ever asked for :) LOVE HIM! You all should be jealous, because he is THEE cutest thing out there.

Well, thanks for stopping by and reading. I am going to attempt to keep up on my blog and on my website which is being set up as we speak!

Thanks everyone,!!!! I am alive, and that's about all I am. . .I am hoping for good and positive changes to come, or just to have a miracle and get better. Keep praying for my family and I. We need ALL the prayers we can get. Many have asked how they can help, and donations are a big help. If you feel you would like to donate, there is donation buttons. Donation are very welcome and will NOT go unappreciated. Our medical bills are never ending.

ALSO, I'm in the process of scheduling an appointment at Colombus Ohio, to go see one of the 6 specialist in the world in my problem. The appointments are out, at least 6 months! CRazy!!!! Hope and pray i get in, and hope and pray i am even well enough to drive to the airport.

THANKS EVERYONE <3 LOVE ALL OF YOU :)

Its my birthday and i'll cry if I want too!

A week from tomorrow, will be my 18th birthday! Time has flown by SO fast. I cannot believe I'm coming up to being sick for one year! (You would think that time would go by slowly, when you aren't feeling well). . Time, goes slow by days, and the weeks seem to be over before I can seem to roll over in my bed.

Have you ever heard the oldie song, its my party and i''ll cry if i want to? Yeah. Theme for my birthday. I can't have a good birthday while I'm sick. So, I'm not having a party, (thank goodess) . .the visits would kill me!!! I just can't seem to be excited about it, because I always dreamed of moving out, and being independant, and my situation is completely opposite of that. Completely DEpendant on people, and there is NO way I could move out YET! But just you wait, I will get better, and I'm moving out! CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DAY I AM NOT SICK AND CAN BE AWAY FROM HOME. (I pray that this day comes sooner then later, or so help me)

One of my biggest "goals/wishes" that I wanted to do on my 18th birthday, was to jump out of a plane. Obviously, that is a no go, because I can't attach my mattress to my back, and better yet, how am i supposed to jump out of a plane, when I can barely seem to roll over in bed.  . . Hehe. Looks like my mattress is my best friend. 

I have a new obsession, they are called "Tubie Whoobies" or "Belly Buttons". They are little round "button-like" fabric made stuff, sold through facebook, that go under my stoma on my GJ tube. They are cute, and unfortunately, I don't have any yet. . (I'm working on figuring out what I like, so I can ask for them for christmas presents.) Fortunately, they are super cheap, and can't wait to order my first package (hopefully). Belly buttons are awesome. Only people with feeding tubes would understand ;) 

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! BIG NEWS! I GOT A DOG. SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE <3 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND AM COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH HIM AND HE IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AND NOW I HAVE A BED BUDDY, THAT IS LOW KEY TO LOVE ON. HE SNUGGLES, AND CUDDLES. BUT, THE BEST PART? OH YEAH, HE DOESN'T BARK OR WHINE. HE IS GODSENT. PERFECT FOR ME AND A PIECE OF MY HEART WILL ALWAYS LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY. The coolest part? He can just "sense" my sickness, and he always knows just what to do to make my little heart melt. He sleeps in my bed, and snuggles all the days. Sooooo cute. MMMhmmm i just want to squeeze him SOOSOOOOO much. He is my everything :) Love him. He is ALL mine and no one can have him. NOPE NOPE NOPE. So BE JEALOUS, BECAUSE HE IS BETTER THEN ALL OF YOUR DOGS, AND CUTER. mmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmm (I am bias).

Oh, also, to everyone, sorry for not updating this since who knows when!!! I just have been not feeling well, and am still not feeling well. I am trying to just do little posts, here and there, so sorry in advance for all of my randomness in my posts. I am going to try to be better at posting pics every once in awhile. 

So, in september, basically all that happened was I spend most of my month in Primary Childrens, excluding quite a few ER visits, and getting surgery to have my GJ tube placed, a scope, intestinal and Gastroparesis testing, and my NJ tube out. It was quite a tragic month, and I'm leaving it at that. As a result of most of my days in the hossy, I am now behind in school, and I am working on catching up so that I am able to at least graduate in May or August (I hope I can). I struggle, because it hurts to much to write and type, which i know doesn't make sense from writing this post, but I'm actually using the IPAD 2 and talking into something that types what I say (Thank goodness for this amazing app). 

Here are som pics of a few things :) My facebook has more pics!

P.S. The t-shirts are ready, and anyone can call or text me, or my house to order. 801-592-3907 (My cell) 801-489-5412 (House) There is also a donation button, if you feel inclined to want to help out with our tiring medical bills. 

There will also be a seperate button here in the next few days to just buy t-shirts. For now, the donation account is opened, and all donations are welcomed, and won't go unappreciated!

Thanks :)

Sea Glass/Smoothed Rocks

 

 

So, I was watching t.v. one night (while i couldn't sleep), and an infomercial came on. Since there wasn't anything else good on at 3 a.m. I usually just the infomercials or netflix. Now, you are probably gonna think this is weird, but it was about sea glass. I have never heard of such a thing. So, of course, i went on my ipad and searched it on google. I started reading about it, and how it's "formed" so to speak.  It is really interesting, so i will just give you a brief explanation of how its made.

Basically, people will toss their empty beer bottles, soda bottles, any type of glass bottles, etc. into the ocean. Sea glass is glass found on beaches along oceans, bays, rivers, or large lakes that has been tumbled and smoothed by the waves, water and sand, creating smooth, frosted shards of glass. 

Now, you are probaby wondering why am I talking about sea glass. The whole infomercial was talking about how much the glass had to be tossed around by the waves, weared down, and eroded before it could become "smooth, frosted shards of glass". Sea glass is some of the most beautiful glass you will ever find. People get wedding rings, necklaces, high fashion jewelry, stain glass pieces, etc, made with this cool glass. There is every color imaginable. But, for some reason, the whole process of it turning out to be beautiful, stuck with me. While I was praying one night, i couldn't help but think about the sea glass and how it applied to me.

Once upon a time, you were tossed in the waters, quite unsure of what might happen to you. Over time you washed up on shore and had to endure the crashing waves, over and over again. There were moments that you felt like giving up because the pain was just too much. Or, you wanted so desperately to get yourself back out to the open water where you didn’t have the constant pounding against you. And yet, you remained. You stood firm on the promise that you will be taken care of. “And just look at you. Refined. A woman of perseverance. A gem. You are valuable. Beautiful.

Pain and hardship are miserable. We will do almost anything to keep it away. Yet it is through pain that we are refined. We change. We grow. We are somehow strengthened. It is uncomfortable. So uncomfortable.  Hardship. While we desire to escape it, we come out stronger than we were before. This isn’t without tears or some “Why God?” moments.

So what does this have to do with beach glass? I see my life and the life of my friend as a little piece of beach glass. We aren’t always sure how we will survive different circumstances in our lives. We think we will break under the constant crashing of disappointments, hardships, and trials. But, if a piece of discarded trash can become something beautiful and valuable, I have to believe my Creator is doing much the same with me. He is refining me. Smoothing the rough edges. Softening the exterior that can cut and be dangerous. He values me and with the break of each wave, I am becoming more of who I was created to be.

Haley

Running :)

My favorite sport is running. I would run all day and all night if I could! It's been my passion since third grade. I know, it's a little extreme, and you might think i'm crazy, but, I love it! I mean, i love it so much, that i fractured my hip! You are able to push yourself in more ways when you would think. Every time I run I learn something new. There is the book that a dear coach of mine gave to me, that is near to my heart. It talks about a little boy who is doing so great in a race, but then trips and falls. When everything seemed impossible, and he didn't think he could finish the race, he hears his dad yell, "get up and finish that race!" and than other people cheer him on too! For some reason it just strikes me so much right now at a time in my life where things haven't been the best. Right now, my life kind of feels like it's falling apart. Things are happening, that I never thought would happen to me. And I feel like I just keep getting knocked to the ground. Almost like I'm running a race and I am falling. And I can't quite get back up on my feet. And "finishing the race" seems almost impossible. Sometimes I feel, like I can't finish and "get back up." and sometimes I feel like I've lost all of the ones who I loved. And that I am all alone, but then i hear the one person cheering me on saying, "get up and finish the race!" Other people start to join in too. In hard times, you forget what can be important, when it's right in front of you. When I felt all alone, I forgot that I had 2 great parents who are sacrificing so much for me, and doing all they can to help me finish my race, and are doing everything they can to help me. I forget about all my brothers and sisters who are pulling their end too, and helping take care of me! And only wanting the best for me! And who could forget, the cutest nieces and nephews in the whole world! They are always cheering me up, and are so sweet! And I'm so grateful for friends who stop by to visit and cheer me up too! I'm just grateful for all of the people who have been there for me since I was sick, and are cheering me on! So thank you everyone for ALL of your support!! <3

Quote~~"It's not where you are in life, It's who you have by your side that matters."

My simple, yet complicated life!

Welcome, to my simple yet complicated life!
After being encouraged to create a blog I'm finally starting. Six months later! So I'll start off by introducing myself a bit. I LOVE to run, I love being crazy, and hanging with my friends. I especially like to be busy 24/7. I love to play the piano and teach it. I really love my family. I enjoy spending time with all of them including my cute nieces and nephews. If you haven't heard yet, I have had an interesting seven months. I have been really sick since January, and finding cures seem to be impossible. Although doctors don't know when I'm going to get better or how I'm going to get better, I know I will! I have a condition called gastroparesis. It is commonly found in older people over 50 with diabetes. Since I'm obviously a teenager, the doctors find it to be extremely rare. Gastroparesis is a condition where the nerve that digests food is paralyzed. The nerve runs through my heart and into my brain. So it controls other things too. I also have another condition called P.O.T.S. It makes it hard for me to get up without feeling dizzy and feeling like I'm going to pass out. I have sore joints, sometimes I feel like I'm 90. I'm usually in pain 24 hours a day mostly with my stomach, and my joints. So obviously I have a few things that aren't working right in my body, but hopefully someday they will work! As I deal with this sickness, I sometimes can't help but think, why me? But, whenever that comes into my mind, my favorite quote comes to mind. "God never said this life is going to be easy, he just promised it would be worth it." Then I start thinking not why me, but what am I supposed to learn? Although I never thought I would be given a trial like this, I feel I have learned a lot, that no person can learn without being given something as hard as this. I have been blessed with so many loving friends and family that helps me every day, in more ways than they know! Although being sick isn't very fun I'm very grateful for it at the same time. It's healthy to be sick sometimes. I'm learning lots of lessons I didn't think I would learn for a long time. Although it's hard for me to grasp sometimes, I know that god only gives us trials to make a stronger. He won't give us anything we cannot handle or anything that we cannot bear. Something better is in store, and I can't wait to figure out what what that is. So now that you have a glimpse into my life! My simple yet complicated life!